In The Beginning . . .

According to Mrs. White kids with ADD are super smart. How do I know? Because Mrs. White said that Adam was super smart and by today’s standards Adam had ADD.

How do I know? Because Mrs. White says that Adam “communed with nature” and ordinary people don’t commune with nature. They might talk to it. Like they will call the dog, “Jack come here”, or they will shoo the cat, or swear at the moles in the lawn, but whatever they do, ordinary people do NOT commune. Only people with ADD commune with nature. Let me give you an example.

Some of you might have noticed that my wife does NOT have ADD. Her mind is so simple that she loves to garden. She even loves to pull weeds. And you can tell she doesn’t have ADD, because when she goes out to garden, she actually gets something done. In one afternoon, she can go outside and have a whole section of the garden weeded, turned and planted, and she even has Casarone down on the paths. I mean, she is quick. But what she doesn’t do, she doesn’t commune with nature.

I on the other hand hate to garden. My wife finds the garden peaceful. I find it chaos. It’s so noisy. Everything is talking to me. It’s like I go out to weed, and on the way out this plant catches my attention and starts to talk to me. It goes something like this.

Plant: Well, hey good morning.

Me: Hey, how you doing.

Plant: Oh, not so good.

Me: What’s the matter?Plant: Oh, I am S-o-o thirsty. It has been s-o-o hot out here. Sometimes I feel like I am going to die.

Me: Whoa dude, You ARE looking wilty. Let me see, what’s wrong? Oh, I see. The sprinkler head has clogged up. Here let me fix that. And here, let me get you a drink from the hose while I am at it.

20 minutes later – There that ought to fix you.

Plant: Thanks, I feel so-o-o much better.

Me: Now, where is that shovel? “Johanna, have you seen the shovel”!

33 minutes later, I am finally get out to start weeding and what happens? I turn over a shovel full of dirt and there’s a worm.

Me: Hey Dude, how do you do that?

Worm: Do what?

Me: Move through the dirt like that. I mean this dirt is so hard that I can hardly get through it with a shovel. How do you get through it when you are all soft as squishy like that?

Worm: Oh, it’s easy, let me show you. See, I just stick my neck out real long and it gets real skinny and pointy so I can slip it between two grains of sand. Then I just wiggle and shake, and fatten my head until the grains of sand jiggle apart and I can squeeze through. If there is any leaf debris or dead roots, I just eat them and that makes room too.

Me: Cool. Good job. I hope you enjoy the weeds!

Worm: Thanks!

A few minutes later:
Me: Hey Mrs. Robin, you’re looking chipper today.

Mrs. Robin: Hi, Great morning isn’t it?

Me: Sure is. At least it would be if I didn’t have to do all this stupid weeding. Hey, what you doing?

Mrs. Robin: Eating breakfast.

Me: What you eating?

Mrs. Robin: Worms. I love worms.

Me: Gee, I hope you don’t eat any of Mr. Worm’s kids.

Mrs. Robin: Oh, don’t worry. Mr. Worm has lots of kids. Even if I did eat one, Mr. Worm would never know. Besides, I usually only eat just a part of a worm, and you know, if Mr. Worm looses a head or a tail , whichever one I eat, he just grows another one back. In fact, if I eat Mr. Worm’s middle, he grows a head on one part and a tail on the other part so that then there are two Mr. Worms. So, you see, it doesn’t really hurt him much when I eat him.

Me: Whew, that’s good, because I like both you and Mr. Worm. I wouldn’t want Mr. Worm to get hurt, and I wouldn’t want you to go hungry either.

Mrs. Robin: No worries there mate. Oh, man here is a big one. Want a bite?

Me: No thanks. Gee Robin, how do you find Mr. Worm anyhow? When I dug him up a little bit ago he was pretty far down in the ground and I don’t see any worms where you are eating, how did you find him?

Robin: Oh, it is easy. As you know, Mr. Worm has to come up to the surface to eat his breakfast, the dead grass leaves. So when he wiggles and shakes, I just listen for the rumble of the rocks moving. Then I can hear where he is, and when Mr. Worm pokes his head out, I just bite it off. But, remember, it doesn’t hurt him very much.

Me: That’s amazing. I sure don’t hear anything. You must have really great hearing!

So, that is how it was. Adam was just minding his own business, having a great old time talking to Mrs. Robin and Mr. Worm that he didn’t notice that Mrs. Adam was getting very upset.
Mrs. Adam was getting more and more upset because Mr. Adam wasn’t doing what he was supposed to be doing, which is paying attention to HER.

Mrs. Adam: “He always gets SO distracted and engrossed in what he is doing. Why can’t he just PAY ATTENTION! I am so angry. He just doesn’t get it. Every time I confront him he just doesn’t have a clue. God, what did I ever see in him? He drives me sooo crazy. He doesn’t even care. I can’t stand it anymore; I’m going for a walk.”

And that is how the whole thing started.