Women Smell Better

Have you ever noticed that women have a better sense of smell than men? A man takes a container of leftovers out of the refrigerator, opens it and thinks, ‘That looks a little funny, I wonder if is still good?’ He sniffs, ‘I can’t tell. What if it has some food poisoning in it? I could get sick and die.’ . . . “HONEY, Is this still good?”
She sniffs, “No, Throw it out.”
“Whew, that was close! What else is there to eat?”

Women are always sniffing things. Maybe that is why they like flowers.
My wife sniffs her kids. She says she can always tell who her kids are by the way they smell. Now I would think there are easier ways, but well, I guess the brand new ones really do look pretty much the same.
Next time you have to watch one of those home movies of a delivery, watch what happens when they put the baby in mom’s arms for the first time. She’ll raise its head right up close to her nose and take a great big sniff. What’s that about? I guess it’s so that if the lady in the next bed rolls over and suffocates her kid and then tries to make a swap, she’ll know. “Nope, she’s not going to fall for that old trick.”

I think men’s inability to smell contributes to newlywed bliss. You know, most newlywed wives don’t know how to cook that well. It takes ‘em awhile to learn. When you first git married, you know you men are just too poor to know what tastes good. Before you know what tastes good, you gotta get rich enough, to go out to eat enough, at good enough restaurants, to learn what food tastes good! In the mean time, she puts this indescribable dish in front of her man, and what happens? He scarffs it down; pushes back and says, “Great dinner Hun.”
She thinks, “Oh, now bless his heart; isn’t he so sweet?” (Because, she KNOWS it don’t taste good.) Kudos for him.

Now this being summer in the Northwest, I woke up the other day with the sun, about 5:00 o’clock in the morning. I lay there for awhile watching the wife sleep.
‘I wonder if she would let me scutch over and just lay next to her?’ It’s kind of a risky maneuver.
Well, after about a half hour I decided to try. . .
“Go away! I want to sleep! I don’t have to get up until 7:00!”
“I just want to lay next to you, when can I come lay with you?”
“Not now!”
. . . ‘Ok, Now what do I do? I can’t sleep. If I lay here toss’n an turnin’, she’s just gonna to git mad. I might as well get up. . . . I don’t want to get up. . . . Do you want her mad?’ I jump up and start to get dressed, cuz if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.
“Where are you going?”
“To the shop.”

I git back from the shop about 8:30. The first thing she does is greet me with a great big ol’ hug.
Now men, do you think she has all-of-a-sudden turned lovey-dovey? Not on your life she hasn’t. She’s gettin’ up close for a real good sniff.
Now if she smells wood chips or grease, then you’re probably OK, but if she smells coffee, tobacco, wine, lipstick, perfume, or silicone, then boy, you are in BIG-time trouble! If the argument starts up where it left off, then you know you probably passed the test. But if she offers you something to eat . . . then, boy howdy, you better decide you just Gotta take her Out-to-eat Right NOW!